Not Today

November 15, 2010

I spent half of my teenage years ignoring the physical presence of my parents, their advice and their rules. Incidentally, the other half was spent locked in my room, oppressed by the two ogres who fed me, loved me and saved me from myself.

I’ve finally hit the New Testament and Jesus is sort of like a new parent. Aside from the “why worry about clothes” bit, and the Mary got knocked up by a spirit bit, the overall theme is hitting me. Hard.

I don’t have the capacity to deal with any of this, so I’m just going to ignore it — all of it — revert back to my selfish, smart mouthed, I-know-everything, 15-year-old self and throw myself into my deadlines, which is the adult equivalent of  being locked in my room.

It’s a total cop out as is my unwillingness to discuss the reasons for this emotional shut off. But honestly Jesus, I just can’t hear it today. I don’t want to hear about good people or forgiveness or doing what’s right or being happy. Please just shh.

Shhh (austin powers)

Rest assured, I took a lot of notes. Maybe when I resume Matthew tomorrow I’ll feel like more of an adult. I bet if someone took away my computer and my work, I would be forced to act my age and deal with the issues at hand but it’s easier to keep working and ignoring life. Correct? FYI, I’m only seeking answers from those born in the 1990s.

Stopping Point: Matthew, The Parable of the Wedding Feast


7 Responses to “Not Today”

  1. TN Lizzie said

    Dear Ivy, I’ve asked my 15yo to reply to your post today. May I give you permission to break your December deadline? Really, who cares if you decide to swim a little slower and go a little deeper?

    As a writer, you may be intrigued with some of the stories that Jesus tells. He calls them parables, they may literal or figurative, and they may say a lot more than the sum of the individual letters.

    You didn’t ask for “adult” comments, so I’ll go away now. Blessings to you!

    “But it’s easier to keep working and ignoring life. Correct? ”

    It is, but only if you look at it from a certain point of view. It is easier to throw my clothes on the floor instead of putting them away. After a few weeks, I’d need a machete to get to my bed. If, on the other hand, I took the few minutes to put my clothes away, then I’d never have to deal with the mess in the first place.

    But let’s say that I’ve been throwing my clothes on the floor for months. I finally reach the point where I need a ladder to see my bed, much less get to it. Yeah, I could just close the door and walk away, completely ignoring my mess. But what does that say about my character? That I’m the “I’m-gonna-go-do-great-things-with-my-life” type, or the “Let-my-parents/friends/sibling-deal-with-it” type?

    So what I have to do is work – one piece of clothing at a time – until I can see my floor again. You CAN eat an elephant, or read the Bible, one bite at a time.

    And yes, reading the Bible can be boring. Yes, it can be a pain in the neck, and yes I sometimes I would really rather go watch a movie. But it’s worth it. Even when I’m so convicted it physically hurts, it’s worth it. Maybe especially then.

    Hugs from one Bible reader to another,


    P.S. What do you mean? I’m 15 and I DO know everything! Right??? 😛

    • thumpme said

      I love this response! Of course you know everything!

      You have great insight. I love the ladder and the bed. I’m trying to look at things that way but as you know, it’s tough. I suppose that’s life.

      Enjoy being 15. It’s an awesome age!

  2. Kevin Shaw said

    I’ve been reading your blog pretty faithfully, and have been waiting for you to get to the New Testament. Now you’re there…and this!? You can’t do this! This is the big reveal, Ivy. This is where it all starts to make sense and that death and carnage and “utterly smite the Philistines” stuff loses from the OT loses out to “turn the other cheek” and “lay down your life for your friends.” This is the social gospel that can start to unravel the madness of the Old Testament.

    So, simply put: I am going to act like a parent and demand that you read this and provide further comment…or you can go to your room without dinner! 🙂 Seriously, I expect more!

    • thumpme said

      Hi Kevin. You’re right. I tried to clarify my reasons in today’s blog but I’m still being very vague. Please keep pushing me though. I am getting A LOT of value in this one but sometimes I can’t express too much publicly. I may actually read the NT again when I’m finished with the project. It’s very interesting and I know I’m only going to get about 1 percent value from it since I’m speeding through.

      I hope you hang on. I’m baby stepping through myself and the Bible is actually helping. Never thought I’d say that…

  3. TN Lizzie said

    Ivy – The 15yo’s Mama again here with a word of encouragment:

    That theoretical messy room in her illustration didn’t get THAT bad overnight. It took a while for the stuff to get to the point where it is dangerous! All that to say, it may not be easy to “fix” overnight.

    Truth found in the Bible can be used by anyone. God may be difficult to understand, but don’t let that slow you down for now. Meat takes more chewing than milk, but it’s more satisfying in the long run.

    I am so impressed with your comments. You challenge me. If I was your sister, I would be proud of you!

  4. Noah said

    Ivy, your honesty is so good. Most people when they read about Jesus just dismiss him, or they cliche’ him, which is even worse. It takes guts and courage to be honest enough to recognize that what he’s saying (and who he is) bears incredible weight to it… weight that will really mess with you… and to just be aware of where you’re at, that you don’t feel quite ready to let it mess with you at that level yet. While I hope and pray that you will get to that point, know that it’s not any easy point to get to and I continue to admire you for your honesty. I get a sense you are putting Jesus on the back burner, to be messed with later in good time, which is much better than chucking him in the trash! -Noah

    • thumpme said

      Thanks Noah. I wouldn’t say back burner. He says some good stuff. I just can’t get over that faith hump. Thanks for the interview. Looking forward to the post!

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