Please Gad, Shirt Venison Only

August 4, 2010

You’re not reading this blog, you’re multi-tasking it just like I multi-tasked its construction.

While reading the 40 pages of the First Book of Chronicles, I also: committed to something I know I can’t do; g-chatted with three people; answered three phones calls; answered several emails; made dumb comments on my personal and thumpme Twitter accounts; kept a close eye on the blinking light on my Blackberry (I have messages, can’t check them); Facebook chatted with one person; Facebook stalked another; scanned a Google doc logging literary contests; listened to Pandora; scanned an article about the gubernatorial primary results; added 12 more ‘to-dos’ to my seven-page (not a joke) list; stubbed and blooded my toe; and watched four YouTube videos.

The first video, “Vlog 1: Attention Deficit Disorder,” speaks directly to the hummingbird flitting around my brain.

As does this one, which I got sucked into after deciding “Vlog 1: Attention Deficit Disorder” would be the only video in today’s post.

How to Clean a Bowling Ball

Head spinning yet?

It gets better. While reading, I also wondered why my parents have such a liberal door locking policy; when the health department will condemn my house; how I can add value to my blog; at what point my stomach muscles will turn to mush; the chance of my neighbor’s dog destroying my sanity; whether my blood is thinning; if my dentist is screwing me over; why rotten strawberries are in my refrigerator; how many of my friends are happy; if I want to honor my husband’s request to ban cucumber-melon body wash from the house; gum; which of three proposed life changes my husband and I will choose; if Gad is a biblical character or typo; the chances of the Isle Royale moose surviving tic infestations; how I’ll survive a weekend at the cottage without my computer; why the hell I have eight pair-less socks; whether I’ll have dreads by the time I schedule a haircut; why the majority of my friends are first born Leos; why I chose to pierce my own bellybutton (it was ripped out and then infected); read a press release titled “Freezing, preserving sperm vital to saving snot otter salamanders”; what pittance I’ll earn this month; and, most importantly, how long until I have a heart attack.

Some call this ADD. I call it 21C. 21st Century. When I realized The First Book of Chronicles summarized about four previous books, I was pretty irritated. As I mentioned in “The Lord has Heard Your Whining” and “Touchdown!”, I find the details in the Bible painfully unnecessary. Or I did.

Monday’s bee sting distraction, today’s overstimulation and The First Book of Chronicles made me revisit focus, detail and the idea of doing a few things well instead of a lot of things poorly.

In the First Book of Chronicles, everyone is assigned ONE task. Those assigned to spice mixing ONLY mix spices. Those asked to strum a harp ONLY strum a harp. I am ONLY a writer, but I ONLY use 50 percent of my workweek to write.

I started the First Book of Chronicles with a bad attitude. Another summary? Are you kidding me? Then I asked the book to please offer a phrase to calm my racing heart. I may have glazed over 20 life lessons — maybe 100 — but because I was so busy g-chatting etc., everything was lost until the end, when King David assuaged Solomon’s anxiety concerning the construction of the Lord’s Temple. He said:

“Be confident and determined. Start the work and don’t let anything stop you.”

And that is the difference between “Please God, Short Version Only,” and “Please Gad, Shirt Venison Only.”

Stopping Point: Second Book of Chronicles

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4 Responses to “Please Gad, Shirt Venison Only”

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